THE PALEOCRAT TRIBUNE

Little more than a gaggle of hacks and geeks.

Oooh, You Smell Like a Sexy Whopper

with 7 comments

By Velleitaire and Paleocrat
Dec. 21, 2008

Flame, the “newest” fragrance from Burger King (yes, Burger King), came out last Sunday. One wonders if it is a Christmas gimmick for stocking-stuffers.  So the next time you go out shopping for your special someone, don’t pass up a bottle of fragrance that “scent of seduction, with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” I’ll bet the farm that you’ll have you sweetheart begging to take a bite out of you… no,  literally, they’ll probably start watering at the mouth for Angus burgers or flame-broiled Whoppers.

And at the low price of $3.99 who can resist?  Then again, you could buy a Whopper for  $2.39 and rub it all over your body. I’m sure that will turn some heads… belonging to hungry, fat people.

Well, the King may be on to something here. The old saying is that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Although I highly doubt that whoever said that was thinking about meat scented cologne.

But none of this should come as a surprise to anyone familiar with the Big Food. The industry has been in cahoots with the International Flavors & Fragrances company (IFF), the world’s largest flavor company, for years in hope of creating the perfect scent otherwise referred to as artificial flavoring.

Think about it for a moment. Why is it that you can identify a Big Mac from halfway across the room? Same goes for their fries. It all makes sense once one realizes that up to 90 percent of flavor is actually on account of the aroma. No wonder  fast food chains work so closely with the same companies that create the most popular colognes and perfumed. It keeps them coming back.

The real question, then, is why it took so long for one of the Big Food giants to come out with a line of body-spray. That was a huge oversight. They should have learned from the experiment where men chose Cinnabon as their favorite perfume fragrance.

While most people probably see this as amusing, I think of it more in terms of… immoral, atrocious, or perhaps, down right evil. Obviously, this is just another tactic for these companies to brainwash us. What do you predict you’ll think about when someone walks by you or gives you a hug and their practically wearing liquid Whopper on their body? These people will be walking, wonderfully smelling advertisements for fast food!

So the next time you think Burger King is intellectually incompetent, you might want to think again. Trust me, they know exactly what they are doing… and it’s downright scary. But hey, at least it smells tasty.

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Written by velleitaire

December 21, 2008 at 9:55 pm

7 Responses

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  1. Obviously, this is just another tactic for these companies to brainwash us

    then again, it could be just really bad smelling cologne for really stupid people…take it down a notch bro…

    this buddy of mine

    December 21, 2008 at 10:51 pm

  2. The fact you couldn’t see overblown sarcasm for what it’s worth is unfortunate. This is especially true when people use words (i.e. brainwash) that are alarmist in nature.

    In sum: loosen up, bro.

    btw- Velleitaire is a chick, not a bro.

    Paleocrat

    December 22, 2008 at 1:13 am

  3. Alright, I’ll own those mistakes.

    As a functionally retarded person, sarcasm escapes me. My apologies.

    this buddy of mine

    December 22, 2008 at 8:13 am

  4. Upons reflection, it seems that McDonalds expansion has been exponential only in the last 30 years or so…which happens to coincide with an increase in illegitimacy…do you suppose there is a linkage between the expansion of McDonalds franchising and children born out of wedlock?

    Perhaps the fragrance wafting from the drive-thru windows spur unforeseen behaviors of an amorous nature?

    antipelagian

    December 22, 2008 at 11:07 am

  5. This buddy of mine,

    Don’t fret. Paleo and I wrote it together. I should just blame it all on him. Most people don’t get his humor, sarcasm or writing style. That’s because his humor is lame, his sarcasm sucks and his writing style tends to be like a stream of consciousness going everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

    But I shouldn’t say that out loud. He is the editor of the site. He’s also my boss on Paleo Radio. And both of them pay the big bucks! Um, that’s right, I don’t get paid for this!

    Paleo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    velleitaire

    December 22, 2008 at 12:41 pm

  6. Velleitaire…I’ve seen this topic floating around where the posters ARE serious about how BK is wooing the mindless masses…sorry to assume this blog was part of the freak brigade

    this buddy of mine

    December 22, 2008 at 1:44 pm

  7. I’m most certainly part of the freak brigade, but Velleitaire is much more sensible. Then again, she has yet to read all of Fast Food Nation. Give her a week or so… she’ll fly off the deep end.

    Paleocrat

    December 22, 2008 at 2:30 pm


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