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Off-The-Cuff: A Real Police Standoff

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By Velleitaire and Paleocrat
Dec. 17, 2008

Sometimes the police can be a little… presumptuous. But this is just downright ridiculous.

For two nail-biting hours, police surrounded a closed bank in Montgomery, N.J., in an attempt to negotiate with what appeared to be a bank robber standing inside. The silent alarm at the bank had tipped them off, but it didn’t look like their was much action inside the building. The only thing they saw was a dark figure standing behind the blinded window. 

What were those robbers doing for two hours? The police wanted to know! So they tried making contact. They tried a number of times, but to no avail.

What to do? Send in SWAT, of course! That was the only logical thing to do. Obviously the robber is pretty crazy. I mean, he had been standing in the same place for two hours! Maybe he was a mastermind of thievery who tried tricking the cops by standing still? It works with bears, doesn’t it?

The pros busted through the door, aimed their laser-lit machine guns at the robber, and demanded that he (or she) hit the floor. But this guy must have been on some serious drugs because not even SWAT and their weapons could faze him. Nope, he just stood there like a lifeless piece of cardboard.

That must have been because he was a lifeless piece of cardboard. Yep, a human-sized cardboard cutout. So for two hours these police officers and SWAT members were in a hair-raising, adrenaline induced standoff with Mr. Cardboard Guy. 

I’m left with so many questions. Could they see the face? Did it look like Sen. John McCain? They sold life-size cutout of McCain at FYE during the election, right? Did the police ever wonder how this robber could stand in the same place for two hours? He didn’t move once! Not even an inch. That would have to be hard to do. Maybe they thought he was dead? But then why the SWAT? Too many questions… and all of them are far too obvious.

Thank God nobody got hurt. The only damage done was to the ego of police officers involved… and any journalist who may have thought they were covering a big story. 


Written by velleitaire

December 17, 2008 at 9:43 pm

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