Archive for November 2nd, 2008
TWO DAYS TO OBAMAGEDDON
With the exception of divine intervention, the clarion call of Obamageddon will be sounded on Tues., Nov. 4. The beast will soon rise to his throne, ushering in the beginning of the end of everything. America, God’s chosen nation, the second Israel, will have forced upon its innocent soul the most evil, satanic and (worst of all) liberal candidate in American history. The ramifications of this cannot be over exaggerated.
All small businesses, with the exception of porn shops and liquor stores, will be boarded up.
Unemployment will hit all time highs. This will be true regardless of the newly implemented child-labor laws requiring any breathing baby with motor skills to perform the most tedious tasks.
The middle class won’t be able to buy the basic necessities of life, such as Playstation 3s, iPhones, and Applebee’s on account of Obama’s draconian tax policy
Jihadists will flood the streets, shooting machine guns recklessly into the air as their Mullah’s set up “call to prayer” loudspeaker systems on every street corner.
Our troops will be left without food, water, ammunition and protective gear. Instead, each will be given a Nerf slingshot, 4 rocks, a lightsaber, and the armor of God.
Homosexuals will be given special permission to engage in public ludity, so long as it is within eyesight of children.
Worst of all, abortion clinics will find their way into high schools, church foyers, and malt shops.
So will go the fist half of Obamageddon.
Thankfully, 2012 will mark the reincarnation of Queen Esther. Gov. Sarah “golly-gee” Palin, the maverick gone rogue, will rise up, energize the base, rise above politics as usual, promise to support good stuff while opposing bad stuff, and triumphantly crush the serpents head with her Naughty Monkey pumps. That is, if we aren’t raptured in the meantime.
